Jack and Jill Interlude (the saga continues)

Jill has been without Jack for a while now. The twins are a handful as ever. Jill’s mom thinks she’s making a mistake. However is seems that Jack got a bit violent with Jill just before she left with the twins. No one knows for sure if that’s true or not, but Jill seems to think it was and that’s what she’s working from.

Jill met a friend on the Internet. Seems that Little Jack Horner is a bit web savvy and met Jill while playing a game. He’s of the Order of the Phoenix and they have some strange rules. You see the Order doesn’t allow the members to celebrate holidays or any real celebration for that matter. He also has a strange affinity for plumbs. One of the other rules that the order has is that it’s members are to not have sex before marriage. Anyway… seems that Little Jack went against the Order’s wishes and actually had sex with his previous girlfriend. Somehow in the Order allowed Jack to not feel guilt for such and act because he really “loved” her and expected them to be married. Either that, or perhaps his parents paid for the situation to be ignored. Needless to say when Jill and Little Jack got closer over the phone and Internet the sex issue became well… an issue.

Little Jack has fallen “in love” with Jill… he wants to express that love anyway he can and Jill wants some action…. Seems the separation from Jack has not improved her regular love life and can’t seem to find the action that she once did at the local tavern. Anyway, she and Little Jack work out a deal that they would meet in “real life”. Jill dreamed it would be like Sleepless in Seattle or something like that. So they picked the most romantic place they could think of. Gomorra. Yep sin city. If you’re going to commit a sin, that’s the place to do it. What with all the casinos and strip clubs… sex with a woman is the least your worries.

The trip was planned and Jill and Little Jack met at the Gomorra airport. The next three days were awkward to say the least. Meeting in real life was different and the communication was not as good as it should have been. Little Jack got a taste of what Jill was like drunk. Jill was depressed the whole weekend because she didn’t get any action the night they met. Talking was getting Jill no where and she needed to taste Little Jack’s “plumb” anyway she could. The second to last night was the worst. Jill left little Jack in the hotel room while she went down the slots to get some free drinks while $20 stayed in the machine. 6 rum and coke’s later she was plastered and did some drunk dialing.

It wasn’t pretty. She called the one person she thought would understand. Raggedy Anne. Anne’s first question was “are you okay?!” To which Jill tried to say yes. Next question was “did you have sex?!?” That was a sore spot for Jill, she took the phone away from her head and looked at it like it was the one talking to her and raised an eyebrow to it. She then took the phone and put it back to her ear and said. “No!” “Good!” responded Anne. “…and it sucks too, he promised me he would… I mean I don’t want to pressure him… but he did it with his last girl friend… I guess he doesn’t love me…”, continued Jill. Anne didn’t know what to tell her… she talked to her for a bit and tried to tell her not to do anything that she would regret and in the end the cell phone cut out and Jill didn’t try to call back… she just wandered back up to the room.

The next morning was rough. Little Jack wasn’t talking much to her and she had a splitting head ache. So they went out to lunch and talked for a bit. He relayed his fears about leaving the Order. It was his life and he didn’t want to upset it. Plus it was a long distance relationship that Jill and Little Jack was working on. Soon the day passed as they saw the sites of Gomorra, like the fake volcano and the water show. After the buffet dinner at the Bella they went back to the hotel room. It was the last night in Gomorra for the two of them…

They sat on the bed… they talked… then they got a little tired. The clothes came off and into bed they went. Jill wasn’t quite sure how it happened, but she wasn’t going to stop it. It didn’t matter to her that Anne told her not to… what does she know? She’s not here and she doesn’t know Little Jack… he’s perfect. The next morning was different.

The sun didn’t shine quite a beautifully, the colors in the room seemed a bit more dull somehow. Little Jack didn’t seem as perfect as he was the night before. Was it the hangover that was causing this? Little Jack didn’t say much. The drive to the airport was a little quite with just surface conversation… Things like “The volcano was nice” and “it’s too bad this weekend is over” but he didn’t really mean it. Jill didn’t mean it either when she said “Yeah, we should do it again sometime”… the relationship had changed.

Nothing new... same crap... different day

So yeah... the boys are still giving my wife shit... this time it's literally.

My wife gets a call from the woman who spawned the devil children and she tells this story:
So the boys and I (Mind you T is 7 and X is 3.5 yrs old.) are eating cheese crisp and watching a movie when I notice that the dogs are very close to T's butt. I stand up and look closer to my horror and find that they are eating T's shit. T shit his pants while he was eating and let the dogs lick it up. So I tell him that we need to go clean it up and he throws this temper tantrum and begins to throw himself around the room and up against walls. Flinging poo all over the place. We finally get him cleaned up when I find that X feels that T is getting more attention than he should and he shit himself and let the dogs eat it as well.

Yep folks... she never noticed the smell because it's so bad in her house that she couldn't tell. She then gave shit to my wife by saying "Well I can tell X was potty trained by you, because he doesn't have a problem peeing into the toilet." Which sounds stupid because she's just implicating that she's a horrible parent and can't teach a 7 year old how to shit in a toilet properly.
Next day T came to our house... he shit his pants there too... so my wife made him clean his underwear in the toilet and then clean the whole bathroom because he flung poo while he was doing it. You'd think the next day he would have learned... but no... he had to do it all over again yesterday...
At least the bathroom is clean... I just don't want that kid sitting on anything we own though... maybe wrap his ass in cellophane or something.

I leave you with this