My Thought Process

-----Original Message-----
From: Matt
Sent: Thursday, September 07, 2006 6:24 PM
Subject: [Fwd: Re: antivirus warning...

It has come to my attention that Eset's NOD32 AV program isn't in your list of supported anti virus programs. This is bad for me, being that I recently (yesterday) renewed my subscription to them, and further that I am now "unprotected" according to your network.

This leaves /you /three options: the first is to add NOD32 to your list of supported AVs before the quarantine (NOD32 is actually a superior piece of software, and why it isn't already listed, I don't know), the second is to find some way to allow me access (or I could download Sophos in the meanwhile) while you investigate the software, or if you find that NOD32 is not acceptable for your list -- you can send me the $30 which I just spent to renew my subscription (it is not my fault that you don't have this software listed), and I will download Sophos.

Thank you,
Matthew
--Pray as though everything depended on God. Work as though everything depended on you.--

---My Though Process--------
Draft #1
Go fuck yourself

Draft #2
It has come to my attention that you are an asshole.
This leaves you with three options: The first is go fuck yourself. The second is to install sophos. The third is to pay my salary for 10 days while I research your product. My consulting fee is $40 an hour. After which if I deem your product unacceptable I will refund your money.

Draft #3
You appear to be one person out of 6000 students who is currently using Eset's NOD32. While it may be a superior product I don't see any justification in spending time and resources to determine if it should be allowed by our network. We cannot just allow "any" antivirus company's product without having proper review and less than one percent of our population does not warrant such actions. We will put you down on the list as having this product and if more people on campus show a need for this antivirus, then we will put it forth to our vendor as a viable option and wait for them to make the final decision.
As I see it, you have 3 options:
1) Tell all of your friend and dorm mates to waste $40 and buy this product and demand that it be put on the list
2) Install sophos
3) Well, this isn't so much an option as really something that you should have looked into much before yesterday. We have been telling people for weeks what would be expected and what is supported. It's not my fault you didn't check or ask before now. So we won't be giving you a refund for your product. so go fuck yourself.

Draft #4
We regret to inform you that your product is not currently supported with our Network access control policy. We have spent a great deal of time reviewing many of the market's anti-virus products and the vendor we have chosen has done the same. As you can understand, we cannot just allow any product to be on the list. It has to go through vigorous testing. This testing takes quite a few man hours and we have determined that in order to make best use of our time, we are only reviewing products which have a great number of users. So far we have only one report of a person using your product, this would equate to about 0.000001% of the current dorm population. Which is not significant enough for us to research at the moment.
We apologize for the fact that you have renewed your anti-virus yesterday. The policy went into place on Tuesday which means you had at least a day to realize that your product was not supported and therefore, you should not have renewed it. It has also been published in several places at to which products we are currently supporting.
Come September 11, 2006 around 12:00PM you will need to have one of the supported anti-virus installed in order to gain network access. Sophos is free and is available on sitelicense.
We have noted your product and will keep a list of other people who request to have this product included and when we have enough requests we will work with our vendor to ensure that it is supported.