Canada Part II - or what is it about weddings that bring out the drunks?

Oh.. forgot that the bride had a mental break down on Thursday night... my wife spent 30 minutes with her and the maid of honor on the bathroom floor calming her down and getting her to make a list so that it wasn't quite as bad as she thought it was going to be... oh, and the best man was seen outside punching a tree... the tree won.

Friday...
Got up about 10:00AM or so... then went shopping... well, I held the purse... we went to 10 different stores looking for a bride's maid dress for my wife... let me just say that if I see another Lavendar colored dress I'm going to kill someone... needless to say we didn't find anything that fit or was flattering or even the right color... so we went back to the ranch house. I was then asked to go with Bo and his son K. K was a worthless piece of skin. He's about 33 yrs old and still living in the ranch house with his Father. He often sleeps till noon and works very litte at a part time job. Mostly he just enjoys living at home while dad pays for it all and he drinks the nights away. Anyway I was asked to go with K to go get chairs and tables from a school nearby that Bo was invloved with somehow. So here I am riding in a big desel chevy truck with K. Mind you he's in his 30s and still dresses like a wannabe cowboy. He had on Jeans and button up shirt (which was an improvement from the wifebeater he was wearing before we left) and listening to Cindy Lauper in his truck. This is odd enough for me... but when the CD (custom made by him) changed to Elton John's "Tiny Dancer" I just had to laugh... on the inside... but it got better... he began to sing along with it for the chorus... I nearly lost it in my head... I even cracked a smile... anyway...we got the chairs and tables and came back. By that time my wife had talked enough to her sister and got her to agree that being the bridal party was not in the cards for her. Considering that there was 7 more of them left it wasn't a real loss for her sister. Then my wife and I took her sister (the bride) and Ka (the maid of honor) and took them into Vancover for some Sushi. Let me tell you... that was awesome. Good rolls, great prices... we're talking $2 for a california roll... something of which would cost you $7 at place here in town... we hung out with her and went back to the ranch house around midnight or so...

Saturday...
No one had anything for us to do... so my wife and I went across the border to do some sight seeing. We went to C's candy shop and cafe... got some sugar... checked out the beach... got lost and finally found the border to go back to the ranch house. We then began work on the flowers for the wedding... Found out that the maid of honor was supposed to have planned a shower for the bride but didn't know how... oh and did I mention that the maid of honor is only just 18 and the bride and groom are 19? Yeah... pretty much the whole bridal party (now that my wife is out) is under 20. Keep in mind however that you can drink at 18 in Canada... 17 if someone else is buying....
So anyway...we went to the dollar store and picked us some stuff and put together a quick bridal shower... it was short... but it got the point across... then the girls started working on necklaces for the wedding. My wife had brought a ton of rose quartz and all in all we helped them make about 15 necklaces... we I say we I mean WE. Turned out to be a lot of my wife working on all of them and me doing some as well as the girls were only doing a half assed job at it. The maid of honor in fact pretty much left the scene after she found out how much actual work it was. Then we just all hung out doing varous thing to get the place ready for the big day. Tables were set up... everything was coming together. Took most of the groomsmen back to Vancover... got home around 2 AM

Sunday...The big day
Woke up around 8:00AM... I went across the border to pick up J ... got him... came back... got shit from the border agents... both sides... When we got there all the bridesmaids seemed to have helped create a very nice archway with tons of flowers all over it... then everyone got into a panic as they got their clothes on... J got a beer... I had to try and get my Kilt ready. Yes, I said Kilt. Finally got two people to help me fold the stupid thing... all 9 yards of it... put it on and hung out... did some of the little things that needed to be done... took a bunch of pictures... then the ceremony began... it was in front of the Ranch house... all the men were up there... all the women came around and lined up... the cermony was generic... then he asked for the rings... everyone turned to the best man... he said "SHIT" and they told him to go get them from the Kitchen table... so he does... everything goes back... the cemony ends... the maid of honor didn't even know that she had to sign the paper.... the ceremony ends... we go out for pictures... we went to this awesome park with some old buldings and some nice trees and took some great pictures of the wedding party. The photographer was great she had a great eye and I was impressed that she was using a digital camera... the bride's maids began to bitch... the redhead was the bitchiest... so she was pissing everyone off... infact I was told that she kept telling everyone that she was really the maid of honor... anyway... the bride went off on her and put her in her place... then we went to the train tracks... got some nice shots... then to the beach... I had to stay in the car so I'm not sure how those went... then back to the ranch house to which the groomsmen began to drink as soon as they got to the beer table... more pictures around the ranch house... then it was time to actually eat... food was good. Bo's youngest is studiing to be a chef... so he did all the cooking... did a good job too... he'll go far... desert... goooooood.... dancing... first dance was with Bo... which pissed off the wife since Bo is not the father... then J stepped in... or at least tried to... seems that while we were off taking pictures at those various places... Bo and his son K finished off a bottle of rum... so when J tried to step in... he swung an elbow at him... J ducked and cut in... then everyone else joined in the dancing... the music was sub par... CDs kept skipping... K was in charge of the CD player... so you can see how that would be... it was funny because through out the whole day... K would crank up the music... Ba would come by and turn it down... Ba and Bo are not really together you see... They are a couple... but Ba has and apt in Whiterock because she can't stand K at all... and Bo won't kick K out. Anyway... much drinking and many deserts passed... the night was winding down... so my wife and I took J back across the border... J took 9 beers to Canada... he took home 2 and opened one soon after we crossed back into the states.... we then went back over the border and got our stuff and decided to go home instead of staying the night... however the drama wasn't over yet...

We pull up and the bride and groom are off to their hotel room already. The groomsmen are asking for a ride home because a bunch of shit went down and they can't get to the bus stop... So the wife and I go inside to pack up... as we are packing we can hear K upstairs talking in is drunk manner. He's trying to get into a bedroom or bathroom where some of the bridesmaids are... you see one of them was drunk... very drunk... being 17 and all she couldn't hold her wine... so she basically had alchol poisoning. They called for an ambulance... however K had the home phone and wouldn't give it up till the 17 year old gave up her number... yep the drunk 30 something was hitting on the 17 year old and trying to get her digits... the amubulance was called from a cell phone... After the paramedics came and picked her up... we took the groomsmen home... mind you it is now around midnight... we get into Vancover and drop them off... around 2AM we get to the border... there is no line and only one lane open... the guy was a complete dick because we didn't have a passport or birth certificate... basically he was pissed because he was on the late shift... anyway... after that we headed towards Seattle... around 3:00AM I couldn't keep my eyes open and we stopped at a hotel about 10 mintues away from Northern Seattle...

Monday...
Woke up around 8:00AM got our shit and left...droped off the car... got to the airport... got on the plane... landed in San Fran... got some candy and some food... they called us up to the counter... upgraded our seats to Economy Plus (means 5 inches more leg room) for free and sent us on our way... Got to Phoenix... drove home... stopped at the grandma's house... fixed a light... went home... crashed... I think I got 3 nights sleep in the 5 nights we were up there...

If anyone cares the airline was TED or United... technically the only real "United" flight was the first leg on the way home... the other 3 were "TED" flights... United was on the ball... TED left something to be desired..